Happy Valenitne's Day to the One I Love the Most....
With first love, Valentine’s Day is monumental in expressing our undying love (if we cannot love each other, we will die, think Romeo & Juliet) as a marker of how much we love each other. With mature love, it is an occasion to celebrate, however, we know how much we mean to each other (thank you Hallmark for a date-night occasion). It is the day to propose to solidify our love for each other and to make a life-long commitment to each other on the day of love.
On this day of love expressed, I am reminded of this quote by Rupi Kaur (another Canadian), “How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you”.
If you do not respect or value yourself by not following through on your own commitments, compromising your values to not upset other people, if the voice in your head could be arrested for emotional and verbal abuse, the level of love you will accept will not exceed the love you have for yourself. Most of this is subconscious which makes it so painful when we do not understand why the person or people who are supposed to love us the most, do not respect, demean us or say and do hurtful things to us or towards us.
When I was in catechism class for confirmation, we were learning about Mathew 22:37-39, "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. ... And the second is like unto it,
Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself"
My first thought as a 12-years old was “what if you don’t love yourself or worst you hate yourself”, loving your neighbor as yourself means you can only love to the degree your love/hate yourself. I was too shy and self-conscious to as the question, but it has stuck with me to this day. It is the reason why I have worked on myself and got certified as a life coach.
The point is, and the good news is, for us to love fully is to learn how to love ourselves first. It starts with accepting who we are with all of our strengths, perceived weaknesses, shame, regret all of it! It is only through compassionate, radical acceptance that we can start to become the person we will love to be with. Let’s face it the relationship with yourself is one that you have had, have today, and will have to the day you die.
Most people spend their entire lives escaping themselves, through immersing themselves in their work, the badge of honor called “too busy”, addictions like alcohol, binge-eating, binge-watching. If for one second you realize that all of these behaviors and the escaping our of “selves”, robs us of living life to the fullest and enjoying and truly loving those in our lives, and opening ourselves up to being truly loved because we are all truly and uniquely lovable and deserving of unconditional love.
Valentine’s Day is the day to express our unrequited love for the person we love the most. Make that person YOU! Write a love letter to yourself (try it first before poopooing it) acknowledging all of the wonderful qualities you have and all that you bring to your world, which is yourself, your family, your friends, coworkers, and the world around you. If that voice comes up and tries to tell you that “this or that is not a loveable part of who you are”, tell that voice to take a seat!
· You are in control of this narrative!
· Start loving yourself, the way you want to be loved.
· Be kind to yourself.
· Do not let your inner voice talk to you in ways you would NEVER speak to a child.
Also, from catechism class, remember,
"Love is patient, love is kind. Love is not jealous or boastful. It is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way. It is not irritable or resentful. Love bears all things, believes all things. Hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends”
Happy Valentine’s day to the one you love the most, YOU!!
You are lovable!